Learning how to become yourself is really everything.
What is the purpose of your life if not to become more you?
To make all of the things, all of the container that you put yourself in, whether it's your business, or your relationships, or whatever it may be, a beautiful reflection or a safe place for you to just be yourself.
That is a worthy life.
Today intuition and subconscious mindset coach, Alana Schramm joins me to discuss how we can lean into being MORE of ourselves and tap into our B.V. energy, so we can show up in the world as our most badass selves.
You can listen to the episode above or read the unedited transcript below.
Unleashing: Becoming more YOU with Alana Schramm
Meaghan Smith, Alana Schramm
Meaghan Smith 00:21
Hello, and welcome to the Money Mindful podcast. I am your host Meaghan Jean Smith. I'm a money mindset and life coach for women. I help entrepreneurial women create their money and life goals. So great to have you here with me on the show. I have an awesome guest joining me today. But before we get into that, I wanted to tell you a couple of things. I want to invite you deeper into my world. And there are a few ways that you can do that.
Meaghan Smith 00:56
So if you want to hang out with me outside of the podcast, you can come to Instagram. My handle is @meaghanjsmith - come and hang out with me there. I do impromptu lives and give you different content on there that I don't do on the podcast. And I also have a three day video training that you can access on my website. And this will help you create your money and life goals by showing you a pathway to do it in a way that's unique to you and your goals. So when you sign up for the free training, you also get put on my email list, which is a beautiful thing. I send out weekly emails with messages and info that will help you create your money and life goals.
Meaghan Smith 01:43
So speaking of money and life goals, because that's what I pretty much do on every single one of these episodes: one of the four pillars I help my clients with is becoming more you. Because to be successful in creating our money and life goals requires that we connect with ourselves, step into who we want to be, step into being, or embodying, if you will, the woman who creates the life that we desire, right? So a couple of weeks back, I did an episode on Big Vagina Energy. Yep. I've never said vagina so many times in one episode, but it was about a month back and I mentioned a story of how the episode came about.
Meaghan Smith 02:35
So it was inspired by a short interaction that I had with one of my amazing colleagues, Alana Schramm. So today I have her on the show, to elaborate more on Big Vagina Energy. If you missed that story, go back and listen to that episode. It's called, What is BV energy, and how does it help you create your money and life goals? I think that's what it was called. Anyway, it's just a few episodes back. So Alana is an intuition and subconscious mindset coach. She helps her clients create the internal safety to show up in the world as their most badass selves. And that's exactly what we're going to be talking about today because that totally relates to Big Vagina Energy. So I am freakin' thrilled to have you here today, Alana. Welcome.
Alana Schramm 03:28
I'm so excited, also, as you can hear.
Meaghan Smith 03:29
That was a big intro, I don't usually sort of go on that much. But this is a big topic, right? Becoming more you, this is big. And it's something that a few years ago, quite frankly, I don't even think I would have understood what we're talking about today. Tapping into really being our authentic selves, like really listening to our own voice, really being in tune with who we are. And I think it is so important to just living our best life, right? Really tapping into ourselves, our soul, at our core. So I just want to talk about all the things, and I know you're the perfect person to talk to about this topic. So do you want to start by just giving us a little spiel, tell my audience about you and what you do, because they're going to want to know about you.
Alana Schramm 04:35
Yeah, totally. So first of all, I I can't go on without commenting on what you just said, which was so brilliant. Yeah, learning how to become yourself is really everything. I mean, without being too emphatic, it's literally everything. I mean, what is the purpose of your life if not to become more you and to make all of the things, all of the container that you put yourself in, whether it's your business, or your relationships, or whatever it may be, a beautiful reflection or a safe place for you to just be yourself. That is a worthy life, I think, or at least an amazingly fun one.
Alana Schramm 05:11
So yeah, what I do is exactly that, helping my clients become more of who they are, which sounds like this super amazing journey with butterflies and all of the things, which it totally is also. But there's the other side of it, which is creating the internal safety so that all of that can come up, because becoming more of who you are, also requires having the emotional support that you create within yourself, to allow all of the feelings that come along with taking up that space, right, whether it's fear of being judged, or rejection, or even like the traumas that we have from growing up, or the conditioning that we have, that keeps us sort of in a box of who we're supposed to be. And so deviating from that box can feel extremely dangerous to the nervous system. So being able to hold that and gently and lovingly support ourselves through that journey is an amazing, powerful skill to have. So that's what I help my clients do.
Meaghan Smith 06:16
Oh my gosh, yeah. And when you were saying that - because I'm going to call this episode 'Unleashing: becoming more you'. And I went and looked up the dictionary meaning to unleashing because that's what I feel like this is, an unleashing, and it said, this was the Webster Dictionary, I think: 'to free from or as if from a leash, let loose, unleash the dogs.' And I see, what this made me think about, was we grow up in what you were just saying, this container, this cage, or on a leash of how we're supposed to be, right? Like how we're supposed to look, how we're supposed to behave. All the things we're supposed to do, like where we're supposed to work, or how we're supposed to show up, or, I mean, there's so many different ways that we could look at this.
Meaghan Smith 07:14
And I mean, I think maybe a good place to introduce it, Alana, would be talking about image, like the way that we look. We were just talking off air about how, you know, I applied for this job once that I went for, and I was dressing exactly how I thought that I was supposed to dress for that job. And how that just actually totally wasn't even me. Like, I don't even look good in pastel corporate clothes, like that's not me. Right? Like, I look good in more fierce, strong things, because that's who I am. I'm a fierce, strong woman. And when I wear like pastel, corporate-looking office clothes, I'm dulling myself down in a way. And listen, there's nothing wrong with corporate pastel clothes. In fact, one of my best mates looks amazing in those clothes. And it's totally her, right. And so this is not about, there's a certain way to dress or not a certain way to dress, but it's about what is right for you, as the individual and how we, yeah, constrain ourselves, like put ourselves on a leash.
Alana Schramm 08:36
Meaghan Smith 08:37
So we need to unleash. I mean, I feel like I've been unleashing and if you're a longtime listener of the podcast, you would be picking that up, right, like listening from a few years ago when I started, to now, I mean, I've changed, I'm not the same person, I have unleashed and I am tapping into my Big Vagina Energy. But let's talk about that, Alana. Let's see how many times we can say vagina on this episode.
Alana Schramm 09:05
I'm gonna have to practise, because I kept saying BVE. Yeah, sure. Vagina vagina vagina. Okay, got it, it's a tongue twister, sort of. Yeah, totally. It's so interesting, right? On the surface, it can look really frivolous or superficial, like, oh, whatever you're wearing, that's so impactful. But it actually really is because, like you're saying, when you're wearing something, I mean, something as simple as in the realm of clothes, let's say, when you're wearing something that doesn't match your energy, it's that incongruence, you can feel that energetically, right? You're wearing these clothes that are too tight, for example, and then you just feel kind of awkward in your skin, and then you're bringing that awkwardness into your interactions.
Alana Schramm 09:55
And conversely, when you allow yourself to align with what really feels like you, it's like it amplifies the original energy, like there's a term, which would have been good to look up before this podcast. But there's a term for when you hit a tuning fork, and then you bring another tuning fork closer to that tuning fork. And if they both have the same frequencies, then they both vibrate more - emphatically. What's the word - more, I guess, they just vibrate more. And it is like that with clothes too when you're wearing them and you align with what your energy actually is, you show up as more you, which then allows you to go and do more things, right, more things that actually feel like they're the things you want to be doing. And so when you're doing them, it creates so much more fulfilment in your life, versus trying super hard to do something that isn't even what you want to be doing. Even if you get so far, at the end it's like, what was this all for? There's none of the fulfilment that you were looking for, because it never was the thing that was truly aligned to you. So something as simple as wearing the clothes that make you feel more you, has enormous impact on all of the parts of your life.
Meaghan Smith 11:12
And not only your own life, but everybody else's. You know, I remember one of my former clients, oh my gosh, she's gorgeous, and she really loved bright clothes. But she wasn't wearing bright clothes. And then she, because we were coaching together, and she was becoming more comfortable with who she was, and so she started wearing bright clothes to work. And she said, 'I'm getting so many compliments,' and you know, she's like when you shine your light, it shines on other people. We create space, I think, for other people as well, to be themselves. What do you think about that, Alana?
Alana Schramm 12:00
Yeah, I love that so much. And it's totally true, right? Like when you see somebody else allowing themselves to be more of who they are, you're not necessarily like, 'Oh my gosh, I love your clothes, like I want to wear those exact clothes.' You're just attracted to them allowing themselves to be more of who they are, which then gives you permission to be like, 'Oh, maybe I can do something like that too.' My style is more like I'm going to wear lingerie as my shirts. And I have clients who that's not their style at all. And they're not trying to wear lingerie for their tops, that doesn't feel alignment for them. But it definitely creates this atmosphere of like, oh, whatever you want to do, that's allowed and that's accepted. And then this culture of acceptance of the self and acceptance of others then just permeates and expands, yeah, way beyond this is just me for myself in my room in the dark, which like maybe we want to start there and create safety first. But yeah, it definitely has an impact on others and I love that you brought that up.
Meaghan Smith 13:08
Okay, we have to come back to the safety aspect, okay, because I think there's going to be a lot of people who are listening who are like 'What the actual fuck are they talking about?' So we're gonna circle back to that, okay. But yes, I absolutely agree because I'm going to paint a picture for you listening right now. So Alana, I'm looking at Alana, she's got a grey fur shawl on and then underneath she's wearing some kind of underwear thing that I can see, there's lots of skin, it's beautiful. And she's also got this incredible blue makeup on, she's got blue under her eyes and then orange, hello, orange, above her eyes. And then her nails are insane. I don't even know how to start describing them. They're all different patterns and they're really long. And I can just tell you right now, you would never, like you won't see me ever wearing what Alana's wearing right now. I would look fucking ridiculous. But Alana, it's perfect, right? Like you're really just oozing Alana-ness. Right? And I think that creates safety for me. I feel safe around you, because I feel like I'm really connecting with you, right, like who you are.
Meaghan Smith 14:32
And there's an honesty in that. You know, when you get around people who are people pleasers and they don't want to offend anyone. And for me, just personally, I feel unsafe around people like that, because I'm like, 'Oh my gosh, are they just saying or behaving this way because they're trying to please me, but actually - ' like there's a dishonesty about it. Yeah, I didn't know where this was gonna go, in this direction. But there's something that definitely creates safety for me, being around people who are really shining their light of who they are authentically. And that doesn't mean I have to be anything like them. But I feel, yeah, safe. What do you - tell me, what are you thinking?
Alana Schramm 15:29
Oh my gosh, that's so interesting that you brought that up, because I am definitely a recovering people pleaser. And when I look back at where I was before, I think my clothing also was reflective of where I was in my people pleasing tendencies, like, super conformist - that's such a vague word. But yeah, I mean, I definitely had more of a corporate sort of look, with the button down shirts. And I mean, sometimes I still want to wear that. But I think the thing was that I felt that there was something else under there, like, I wanted to be more colourful, and to express myself in a different way, and to wear things that were a little bit more showy.
Alana Schramm 16:09
Also, I want to just say that it's not real fur, it's fake fur, just for the record. But yeah, like, I wanted to be more showy, but it felt like that's gonna offend people, or that's gonna make people not like me, or that people are gonna think, 'Oh, she's just trying to take all the attention away.' Or even that I was gonna attract male attention, which I didn't want, or any kind of situation where people weren't going to like me, I didn't like that as a people pleaser. And so I would just wear what felt like a safe thing to do so that I wouldn't have to ever deal with people showing me that they didn't like me, at least through the clothes. That's super interesting, but like subconscious. Yeah, subconsciously that was even showing up in the way that I was wearing clothes for the people pleasing. Yeah. And as I've let that go and done all of this healing work and all of this releasing of all of the negative feelings surrounding that, yeah, it has felt more safe to then take up that space and lean into my Big Vagina Energy.
Meaghan Smith 17:13
Yeah. Okay, let me just say, so big vagina energy, I did a whole episode on it. But just the Urban Dictionary version of that is it's the counterpart, is that the right word? It's the the female equivalent of the big dick energy, the male one, and basically, it's knowing what you want, and allowing yourself to have it, basically. And I think this is just 100%, what we're talking about, it's like, knowing who we are, and then allowing ourselves to be that person, and have what we want in our life. And I think to do that requires safety. And so let's go in and talk about that, like what we're talking about when we're talking about safety.
Alana Schramm 18:10
Yeah, so, I think the first thing, right off the bat, is probably there might be people thinking like, 'Oh, but I don't even know what I want, I guess I'm doing what I want already.' I mean, this is sort of not knowing what that could be like, or perhaps there's like a feeling of 'there's something more, but I don't know what that is.' And I think that is a symptom. If there's a feeling of 'there's more, but I don't know,' that's a symptom of subconsciously, I haven't created safety for myself, right? Because, let's say for example, like in my case, it's, oh, I want to wear something a little bit sexier, or sexier than the conventional norms of the society that I live in. So if I wear a sexy lingerie top, out on the street, what would come up for me would be as expected, like, 'Oh, my gosh, this is really scary. People are gonna judge me, people are gonna think like, 'Who the hell does she think she is? What's wrong with her, is she crazy -' All of that, is, well, was, extremely terrifying.
Alana Schramm 19:24
And so if my desire brings up all of these fears, then I'm going to view my desire as kind of an unsafe thing and try to push it away. And if we've done that enough, then maybe the desire never comes up at all. Or it comes up only in very, like specific circumstances. So perhaps the areas in your life where you feel a lot of alignment, you feel a lot of flow, you feel a lot of you-ness come up, you've created mental safety for those areas. And so therefore, your being is showing you all of the areas, like, oh, we could try this hobby, or we could try this thing, or we could do that, because it's felt safe. So bringing it back to, let's say, the clothes, in my case, it hadn't really felt safe for me to express myself in those ways. And so that part was shut down.
Alana Schramm 20:11
And so when I started doing this work of investigating what was there, I realised like all of the feelings coming up and all of the thoughts that I had around, 'What are people going to think of me?' were really centred around being rejected by others, and also like my own physical safety as it relates to unwanted attention from men. And so the skill that I needed in order to know what my desires were, or to hear my desires, was to let myself feel what those feelings were, and gently hold space for myself. So it wasn't like, 'Oh, I want to wear sexy lingerie out in the streets, I'm going to do it and it doesn't matter what happens, like, let's just do it.' It's a very sort of masculine energy way of doing things, that hustly vibe. And that just created more unsafety for me and more danger.
Alana Schramm 21:11
And so instead, it was kind of recognising 'Oh, I want to do this thing. Oh, it feels really scary. Okay, let me just sit here with the fear.' And I don't need to do anything, I just need to acknowledge that this is here and sort of bring my nervous system back to a more grounded place. And then the fear would never completely go away, because doing anything new is going to create fear. But when it was at this more manageable place, and I had my back, my nervous system could tell that I had my back because I hadn't forced myself, though I knew, then I was able to take those actions when it felt like I had my own consent.
Alana Schramm 21:51
And so the work of safety is the work of consent, asking yourself what feels safe and correct for you in this moment. And even if there's an overarching desire of x, y, z, we can take steps to that place. Just because this is the thing we want doesn't mean we force ourselves with no regard for our wellbeing. It's about creating a partnership with our nervous systems and with our internal sensations with the feelings that come up, so that we can trust ourselves. And so then we can take action from this really loving, gentle, supportive place. And then because we've taken this action, and we've created all of the safety, and we have our own backs, then it feels safe subconsciously for ourselves to release even more of those desires, like all of these desires are not being met with force. They're not being met with rejection. Oh, maybe it's safe to bring up more.
Alana Schramm 22:44
And so the more work that I've done, I've done a lot of work just around my physical appearance, because that has felt like a 'safer' place for my brain than like, let's say my business, which I have been doing more work on since having done all of the physical appearance stuff, but yeah, now it's like, I get so many ideas of things. I was like, oh, maybe I'll bleach my hair. That came to me this morning. Yeah, I feel like I might bleach my hair soon. But yeah, all of these crazy ideas keep coming up and they're coming up so much faster, like unleashed, because they know that they're going to be met with my own respect and my own kindness. Hopefully that answers the question.
Meaghan Smith 23:25
Yeah. And while you were talking, and you were saying that one of the things that didn't create safety for you was like the fear of being rejected, and I think that most people, Alana, can relate to this, I mean, you've only got to go back to high school.
Alana Schramm 23:44
The breeding ground of trauma.
Meaghan Smith 23:47
Yeah, you can tap right into a fear of rejection. But we carry that through, you know, into adulthood. We're grown up adults living our own lives, you know, we're not living with our parents. We're not in high school. And yet, we're still so fearful of other people's rejections. But what I think that actually causes though, is we end up rejecting ourselves. Like we just walk through life, we're rejecting who we actually want to be. And that's the connection with me for the unleashing. Because when you finally heal your relationship with yourself, and you actually tap into who you want to be, and stand in that power of who you are, like that's big vagina energy, but really being like, 'This is me, and I like me.' Right?
Meaghan Smith 24:42
And I've got my own back. I'm my own safety net, right, because I'm creating the mattress underneath me, or the safety net, so I can just go out and do whatever and it doesn't matter if I get rejected by others, because I'm not actually rejecting myself. So I don't need - I mean, listen, and I'm not suggesting that it's not nice to have other people like you and have other people supporting you, of course. And I also don't enjoy getting the vibe when people don't like me, right? Like, that's not fun. But I'm so much freer to just be myself now because I've got my own back.
Meaghan Smith 25:30
And I've created that safety, because I'm not rejecting myself. And this is how it relates to creating like a big, delicious, juicy life where you're creating your money and life goals, because you can't help but gravitate towards the life that you want, when you're letting yourself be who you want to be. I mean, the more that I've accepted who I am, and just really leaned into being who I am, the more happy I am. Right, like I'm quite joyous a lot of the time, that doesn't mean I don't experience negative emotion, I do. But I have a great life because I'm doing what I want to fucking do. It makes sense. And I'm doing it in a way that is me. Right? It's not, you know, that person over there. It's not my peer group. It's not my parents, it's not, I don't know, significant people who've been in my life. It's not my workplace employer, or any of that. It's like, this is me, this is who I am.
Meaghan Smith 26:38
And as soon as you start tapping into that energy, at first I think it can be very scary, because it's sort of like, 'Oh, my gosh, what if I'm rejected,' it's like you've got the spotlight shining on you. But the more that you lean into that, the more I find that I'm attracting people into my life, who are just really high vibe, they're totally on my wavelength. I'm able to make decisions really quickly, like this podcast, we organised this in two seconds. We were like, oh, yeah, podcast, yes, let's do it, like it just happened, right? We were so aligned. And then things in my business have just been blowing up, because I'm just being me. Like, I'm not trying to be anybody else. And there's, it takes courage, I think, to initially instigate that. But once you're in that big vagina energy, I think you can't go back. Like there's no other way now. It's like you've taken the, what is it on The Matrix, like the green or red pill, whatever, you've taken whatever the one is that you're sort of like, oh, this is what's happening. And yeah, you can't look back.
Alana Schramm 27:48
Yeah, totally. And I think it's also like this process where you go deeper and deeper, right? Like, there's many unleashings. There's this level of unleashing, and then your subconscious is like, Oh, this is safe to do. Okay, well, what about this deeper desire? And then it's like the fear comes off, and then we're like, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm gonna get rejected, and oh, my god, we're - ' and all of that. And then you learn how to create safety for yourself, to experience all of that, so that that part can be released, to make room for the thing, the desire, right, and then in the desire, and in the doing of the desire, or the manifesting of the desire, then there's like, all of this amazing joy and this amazing fulfilment, and all of that opens up and then you're living this amazing life.
Alana Schramm 28:36
And then it's like, more desire, the deeper thing comes up. And then it's like, there's fear on that one, and then there's making safety, and then there's more joy. And then it's like, this perpetual cycle where you create more safety and more of the desire comes up. And then there's more safety, and then more of the desire comes up, and then deeper and deeper. And that's how you become more and more you, is removing the surface layers of protection, of subconscious safety that you've placed onto yourself, because that was what felt the safe thing up until that moment.
Alana Schramm 29:08
And I think that one of the biggest works that I do with my clients is on using negative emotions as benevolent allies and not as these things like, oh, it's just the 50/50, that 'Oh well, this is just part of life,' but really these amazing cues that, 'Oh, now I'm ready to go into the next layer deeper,' rather than 'Oh, I'm just functioning on this paradigm.' And then when a negative emotion comes up, it's like, oh, this paradigm of whatever, let's say, me versus them. Maybe that paradigm was super helpful, but then all of a sudden, there's this negative energy around it. It's like anger at something. Then it's like, 'Oh, actually, this paradigm no longer works for me and I'm ready for the next thing.' So yeah, Big Vagina Energy is like an energy. And it's also a process where this energy gets even bigger and bigger as you go deeper and deeper with yourself.
Meaghan Smith 30:06
I think that's a key phrase you just said then, it's like, 'this no longer works for me'. Because, you know, I want to really make sure that you, listening right now, please don't make yourself wrong for anything that we're talking about today. Like, if you're conforming in your job, or showing up in a way that maybe some little light bulbs are going off, please don't interpret this as that there's anything wrong with you, because there's not. Because at some stage in our life, at some point, conforming and doing what everybody else was doing, did keep us safe. I mean, when we were kids, we were literally reliant on our parents, right? I mean, if we went against what our parents did, when we were kids, that could mean the difference between life or death as a child.
Meaghan Smith 30:58
So, you know, it makes total sense that we grow up being these beings who are looking to outside sources, who are looking outside of ourselves to learn how am I supposed to be behaving? How am I supposed to be dressing? What religion am I supposed to be in, or, you know, all the things that our parents and our teachers and our community tells us that this is how you're supposed to be. And if you're not like that, you will be rejected, because you're going against your family and your community. And so I think that tapping into this Big Vagina Energy, what we're talking about, like being your authentic self, also requires having some real compassion and love and patience with yourself that, you know, it is an evolving, what you were saying, Alana, there's different levels of unleashing, and you can just go at the pace that's right for you.
Meaghan Smith 31:57
Like maybe the first thing, if we take it back to image, it might be that, you know, you wear crazy bright neon nail polish, and you've never done that before, because you always wear nude nail polish, because that's what you're supposed to do in your workplace. And it's just like a tiny little step. But yeah, I think with this kind of work, you really have to meet yourself where you are, and where you are right now is actually right where you're supposed to be, and there's nothing wrong with where you are. And Alana and I, we've been around the block a few times also, let me just say, we're both experienced coaches, and have done a lot of this work. So I kind of just felt like that's important to say, because I think it can be a bit like, 'Oh, my gosh, I'm not living my life, and there's something wrong with me, and I'm - ' you know. But that's not the case.
Meaghan Smith 32:54
It's really about starting with also asking yourself good quality questions, like, do I like this? Like, if I was to buy this again, for instance, would I buy it again? Right? Like, when I look at this, does it light me up? I mean, it's a simple thing. And this is how simple it can be. My dog's dog bowls were bright pink. And one was sort of like this aluminium or whatever, and I didn't like them, and I looked at them every day. And I just really didn't like them. And I was like, you know what, that's not me, I don't want to look at - I mean, I know that's an external thing. But I was like, I don't want to put up with this anymore. Like, this is not something I would buy again, I want a beautiful ceramic bowl for my dog to eat her food out of and I want a really beautiful big ceramic water bowl for her. Because every day when I look towards the back door, I see it and I want it to look nice. And so I'm going to do that. Because that's what I want to create in my life. It's a real kind of being the authority of your own life, like being the author of your own book, right? Like if you imagine your life is your book, and you are the author. And if somewhere along the lines that you wrote in that you have a hideous bright pink dog bowl, and you get to like, rub that out and rewrite. Like you're the author. We're totally attacking this from all different angles, aren't we, Alana.
Alana Schramm 34:31
Oh, my gosh, this so good. It's so funny because I'm like, so into the bright pink dog bowl, which I think just like proves the point, right? Like, it's never about the external thing of, oh, you need to wear sexy clothes, or you need to wear, whatever the thing is, right? It's not about that. It's about your own relationship with the things that come up for you. Right, like, the bowl doesn't match my energy, and it's safe now to buy a new bowl. And I love what you were talking about with the compassion and the understanding, because that always is the first step, right?
Alana Schramm 35:05
Whenever we're moving from one paradigm or way of being to another, there's always - we can't just jump from one to the other, because that's kind of traumatising to a nervous system, right? It's like we're doing it this way, and then all of a sudden, it's like, we only ever lived in very cold Arctic temperatures, and all of a sudden, we're just gonna live in super hot desert. I know deserts are cold in the evening, but whatever, like tropical weather, it's like that's really unsafe, really, for the body, for the mind. And instead, the way to bring ourselves from one place to the other is understanding okay, why did I choose this in the first place? If I wasn't a bad, horrible person, why would I have chosen this? Why would my brain have chosen this for me? Why does it make sense that I was here? And what am I getting from being over here?
Alana Schramm 36:00
Then we can sort of understand with compassion that we're not just these terrible people for, like you said, wearing the nail polish that's nude, or whatever it could be. But that there was something that we wanted over here that we can actually give ourselves in the transitioning to the other place. And creating that relationship of compassion and understanding is so much more sustainable than forcing ourselves out, from one flick, from the Arctic temperature into the hot, no matter how much you force yourself, that's never going to overcome your biology. And so, knowing 'Oh, it's the cold weather over here. Okay, so maybe what I need in between are some layers.'
Alana Schramm 36:46
And when you understand that that's what you needed, you can sort of plan for the in-between journey, or you're in between the two spaces. And yeah, totally, it's like you were saying as well, the work is not 'done', there's so, so many places where I have my inner voice saying, 'Okay, we want to do this.' And I'm still working through the fear of the thing.
Alana Schramm 37:11
And it's not about rushing from one place to the other, like I know that I will get to that point when it's safe, and when I have that consent within myself. Right now I can just have it on my radar, and work through the fear that comes up and support myself through the fear, knowing that all of the supporting the fear is what's going to get me there. How Meaghan and I met was in a Mastermind, and all of this stuff was coming up for me. And I totally just dropped out of the Mastermind, because I just had to do my work on healing all of the trauma that was coming up and all of the fear that was coming up. And yeah, it's like, it can be messy. And that's totally fine also.
Meaghan Smith 37:57
Yeah, and it also doesn't have to be - I mean, we've focused on clothes today, because I just feel like that's an easy thing that lots of people can relate to, and gives us lots of examples that we can talk about. But also, nothing's fixed, right, like the Alana of today that I'm looking at, with these amazing bright colours on, you know, tomorrow, I mean in the future, you could be totally different again, wearing nude nail polish. It's got nothing to do with the aesthetics that we're talking about, it's all to do with what feels like, 'Yes, this is who I am. Yes, I'm telling the truth.' Right? I mean, I think that's a really big thing, like you're telling yourself the truth, telling yourself what you really want.
Meaghan Smith 38:58
And that's huge when it comes to money. Right? Because so many of us do things around money, where we're being dishonest with ourselves. It's like we actually desire something that either we don't let ourselves have it, or because we're ashamed, or what might other people think, and it can work in any way. This has got nothing to do with income levels or anything, but money is especially one of those areas that I think can have people feeling very unsafe, right? And this is the step before that, like when you create safety with who you are and being honest with yourself, the kind of person that you want to be, how you want to show up in the world, you open the door to also really connecting with 'Well, now that I'm starting to learn about how I want to show up for myself, well, how do I want to show up with others? How do I want to show up in my relationship with money? How do I want to show up in my journey of what I'm doing, like in my business or in my career, or in my community?'
Meaghan Smith 40:15
And even though it may seem like we're really off topic, this is so related to creating your money and life goals, you wouldn't believe, this is actually the work, really knowing what you want.
Alana Schramm 40:33
Meaghan Smith 40:33
Because it requires safety with yourself, confidence in yourself, to openly be able to say this is what I want, you know, I want to grow a business that makes half a million a year, or I want to grow a business that is completely nonprofit, and supports this group of people in the world, or - really actually speaking out what you want. I mean, how many times, this happens to us a lot, I guess, because we're coaches, but even you as a listener, I bet you've experienced this yourself, where you kind of start talking to people, and they talk about what they want, but then you find out, 'but actually what I really want,' and they sort of let it out, what they really want, but it's as if that's not accessible, or it's as if that's not allowed. It's like we don't even let ourselves go for what we really want. Right?
Meaghan Smith 41:34
Recently, and I have talked about it on the podcast, my partner's finishing up work in this particular area where we live at the end of the year. And at first, we just thought, 'Oh, yeah, well, of course, we'll just move back to our house in Victoria. I mean, that just makes sense, right? Like, we've got a house there, a family there.' But then when we really started to delve into, but what do we want, we sat around the table as a family, I talked to my girls, I talked to my partner. And we were all saying, well, wouldn't it just be amazing to live by the beach, we all want to live by the beach. And, you know, we found a work opportunity in a town that's a beach town, and now we're like, 'Let's do it, you know, the kids are on board, we're on board, because it's like, this is actually what we really want. We really want to live by the beach. So let's do that.' Right? You know, I mean, we might go up there, and it could all fall to shit, who knows, I have no idea. But we won't know unless we actually do it. And that is tapping into your Big Vagina Energy, right? Like your authentic self, really letting yourself have it.
Meaghan Smith 42:46
Knowing what you want, and trusting that you're worthy of having it. But you know, that's the first step, you've got to actually know what you want. Because you can't get what you want, if you don't know. But I kind of think that on many levels, we do know what we want, but sometimes we're so shut off to it because we're so used to conforming and doing you know, we don't even have that kind of awareness around what we really want. So it's like, we've first got to sort of start experimenting, and if you don't know, just try stuff. Just try shit out. You know, I mean, there's no right or wrong either. I think we can get kind of stuck in this 'Oh, I couldn't possibly wear bright yellow nail polish, I don't know if I'm a yellow nail polish kind of person. But it's like, 'Well, why don't you just try?' And if you like it, awesome, keep wearing it. If you don't like it, it's just like, 'Oh, well, I guess I was wrong about that. I don't, I'm not into it. No big deal.'
Alana Schramm 43:50
Yeah, I love that, right? It's like in the moment, everything feels like a big deal, of course, and that's a human thing for everyone, forever. But also, we can look back five years, in the future, and be like, 'Oh, that really wasn't a big deal,' which just kind of shows that, in fact, it's not actually a big deal. Though, in the moment, it does feel like that. And so how do we make space for 'Okay, it's not a big deal. And right now, I'm super scared about like wearing the bright yellow nail polish and being judged by my, whatever, conservative in-laws or whatever the situation is. Yeah, so like being able to hold that space of 'This is what I want, and it's uncomfortable to want this.'
Alana Schramm 44:38
And yeah, for the places where you don't know, that is not a problem with you, or indicative of, I just don't have something that I want, and wanting things, like wanting big life goals or whatever is just not for me. It's just a symptom of like, 'That's not accessible to me right now because maybe it doesn't feel safe in this area.' And so the goal isn't to 'Well, let me just force myself to know, and to just like hustle my way there.' It could just be like, 'Okay, well, where do I feel safe?' Right? Or safer.
Alana Schramm 45:11
So for me, like I was saying the clothing and the self expression with makeup, that felt like a safer place than my business. And I didn't really have any sort of intuitive hits of what do I want to do in my business? I was like, I don't know, I just coach, I guess, one on one, we'll find out, we'll see. But I didn't make it like, 'Oh, God, I have to figure all of that out right away.' It's like, okay, that's not accessible right now. That's fine. So where does it feel safe to explore, okay, then it felt with the makeup and the self expression, with the clothes. And so I started doing the work there.
Alana Schramm 45:48
And then because I was opening up in that area, it's like, you can't just open up one area and that's the only place that opens up, it opens up all the other areas. And so now all of those areas are starting to open up as well. There's lots of other areas that don't feel unlocked yet. And it's like, it just doesn't feel safe. And that's going to happen with the more work we do around creating safety in the areas where we do have stuff.
Alana Schramm 46:11
So yeah, I love the idea of making it even really simple and really fun. Like, with food, right? Like, I know that I'm the kind of person that just like, always picks the same thing. And sometimes I want to do that. But I think I just kind of always do that automatically, and it can be really fun to be like, 'Okay, but what do I really want from this menu?' That's a pretty safe place for me, like for a lot of people maybe, to practise, or like, do I want to turn left or right on this walk? It's like, can it just be this fun, inconsequential thing, where you're not forcing yourself and making it this whole, traumatising experience. And then like when those areas feel and you start getting confidence and start creating trust within yourself of like, 'Oh, I do know things. I do know what I like,' then it can be, well, let's try the intermediate level where I ask myself like, what do I want to wear? Or let me be the one to plan my outing with my friends, or whatever. You get to decide where are your own difficulty levels, these are just random examples. But yeah, you can just trust yourself and make it easy and make it fun.
Meaghan Smith 47:24
It's almost like when you meet someone new, like a new partner, and you're getting to know them. And this is like a getting to know yourself, like, what do I actually want? What do I like? So I think probably this is a good note to end on, Alana. Really, I want to encourage my listeners, if this has sparked some little light bulbs for you today, just maybe listen to the episode again, like re-listen, but also just start asking yourself some of the questions that Alana and I've both posed on the podcast today, like what do you like? What feels good? You know, what can you tap into? Into your being, really feeling into 'do I like this?' And I think when you ask yourself that question, you can get a sense when you listen for the answer, because I think we naturally kind of gravitate towards and away from things, even if you just watch your body language around people who you don't like or who you do like, you know, you will kind of move more towards them or more away from them. And you can start doing that with just your own being and what you want because this is how we live. Just a 'fuck yes' life, like a life on fire. And I mean, we've only got one life. Well, that we're going to be consciously aware of. I don't even know about reincarnation, maybe I'm wrong about that. But the one that we're going to remember from now, let's make the most of it. So, Alana, before we wrap up, is there anything else you want to say? And also, let's tell everyone where they can find you. Because I'm sure everyone's gonna be like, Wow, who's Alana? Let's go check her out.
Alana Schramm 49:28
Yeah, so first of all, thank you so much, this was, I mean, as I knew it would be, so much fun. I absolutely love being on your podcast, and I love being your friend and colleague also. So thank you for being in my life. And then what else could I say? Yeah, the one thing that I would just add is I think creating the safety, right, is so fundamental. So knowing what the desire is and having that but also having the safety, so maybe it can just be about, 'Oh, I actually want this, but I won't do that right now.' Maybe that's an amazing step, to be, right, we don't have to force our way through and know everything and all of the things, it can just be about first just acknowledging what the truth is. And then trusting that when it's time you will move towards that, right? So, and then you can find me on Instagram. I'm alana.schramm on Instagram. So I'd love for you to come find me there. And I do, yeah, all of the Instagram things. I love being on my stories. I love posting my inner voice inspired looks where I post what my intuition was, like today, we're gonna wear this makeup or these clothes. Just as like a fun thing to listen to my intuition and let that be a safe place, let my social media be a safe place for me to play in as well. So I hope you'll come find me there.
Meaghan Smith 51:15
Oh my gosh, so good. And I will put links to how you can connect with Alana in the show notes page of this episode. So just a reminder, if you want to venture into my world a little deeper, there were a few ways that you can do that that I mentioned at the start of the show, come and hang out with me on Instagram, my handle's meaghanjsmith . I also have a three day video training that you can access on my website and this is really helpful for you to create a pathway to create your money and life goals, okay? And it's unique to you. It's not like a system you have to follow, like doing it somebody else's way, you can make it work for you, with who you are, where you're at. Okay, and if you want to go even further and work with me one on one as your coach in my high touch coaching programme, you can also do that by booking a consult with me on my website and all the details are in the show notes. You'll be able to see them if you're listening on iTunes when you scroll down and it's also all on my website. So until I get in your ears again next week, have an amazing week. Bye bye.
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