64: What Confidence Really Is & Why You Don’t Need It To Create What You Really Want

Do you really need confidence to create your dreams?

Do you avoid doing new things in your life because you think you lack the confidence to do it?

In this episode you will learn:

  • That you don't need confidence to pursue your goals
  • That confidence & self confidence are two different thing!
  • How confidence is created
  • The difference between arrogance and confidence
  • Where self confidence comes from and why no one can take it away from you

You can listen to the episode above or read the unedited transcript below.

Transcript

Meaghan Smith  00:14

Hello, beautiful people. And welcome to another episode of the money mindful Podcast. I am your host Meaghan Jean Smith. I am a money mindset and life coach for women. I help you get out of your own way. So you can create the extraordinary life that you want to live on purpose. Okay. What is confidence, really? And why you don't need it to create what you want? Okay, I think that's the title that I put, maybe I maybe I wrote it slightly different. I'm going to give you a big sigh of relief. today. I work with so many women who every time they tell me the reason why they can't create the life that they want is because they lack confidence. Right? Like when I'm working with them, and we're talking about what do you need to do? Like, who do you need to be to create what you want nine times out of 10, or maybe eight times out of 10, it's, I need to be more confident, or I need to be calm, feel confident that I can do this thing.

Meaghan Smith  01:14

Most of us think this way, we think any new thing that we need to do, we need confidence to do it. And if we lack confidence, if we see ourselves as someone who isn't confident, then we think that we can't do it. And I'm here to tell you that you don't need to worry about that. Because you don't actually need confidence to create what you want, what you actually need is self confidence. And there's a big difference. And I want to teach you about that today on this podcast. Okay, so what's confidence? What is this thing that you all think that you need to be able to do something new? Confidence is based on our past. Whenever we want to do something new, what most people do is we turn around and we look to the past, we look to what we have already been able to achieve. And based on what we are already capable of, we make a decision whether we're confident to do this new thing that we want to do. And this is where we trip ourselves up every time. Can you imagine if a baby looked to their past to see if they could walk or not to decide whether they had the confidence to learn how to walk? Right? Like we we all were always looking to see what we could have already achieved what we're already capable of, to determine what we can do in the future. And when you look at this logically, it's it's really crazy. Because before you learnt how to drive, you didn't know how to drive. You didn't have confidence in your driving ability because you have you had never driven before. It's the same with everything before you started primary school. You had never been to school before. And but you went to school and you were able to do it before you met your partner and formed a partnership with them or got married or whatever you did. You were not in a partnership with your partner and you didn't know how to be with that partner until you're with them. Is he getting the theme here? It's we don't know how to do anything that we haven't done before. Of course we don't because we've never done it before. And that feeling of confidence comes from having already done something before. So if you know how to drive a car, I'm just assuming you probably do. You feel pretty confident right? driving a car or and if you don't know how to drive think of something else that you know how to do really confidently like make a cup of tea or Brush your teeth in the morning or what? Whatever it is, right? It's because you've done it so many times before, and you have

Meaghan Smith  05:08

so much evidence to prove that, yes, you can do this, you're very competent at it. And of course, then you have the confidence, you've built the confidence through being able to do it. When I first learned how to drive, whoa, I was not confident at all, I did not feel confident, it was very scary. It felt like there was a lot of information that I had to take in like learning how to change the gears at the same time as putting my blinker on and holding on to the steering wheel. But now, Oh, my gosh, I get that thing I'm Do you get this, it's like you arrive home. And you can't even remember how you got there. You know, it's just so automatic. Now, I feel extremely confident driving, I have no issues driving at all. But I have so much evidence. I mean, I've been driving for over 20 years, right? Of course, I'm confident driving a car, when you are starting something new, you're not going to have the confidence to do that thing. Until you've actually done it. You earn that confidence from doing what you're doing. Okay, so like right now I feel very confident doing this podcast, I know exactly what I'm doing the editing software, I'm using the microphone, the whole setup. Because I've done it so many times. I've been podcasting for over 12 months now I'm so practised at this, I'm very confident at my abilities as a podcaster. But when I first started No way, I was not confident I did not have confidence. But what I did have was self confidence. And self confidence is very different to confidence. Self Confidence is not based on our past, self confidence is not based on what we're already capable of. And there's a few elements of self confidence that I want to outline for you what self confidence actually means. Self Confidence means, first of all, that you're not afraid to feel any emotion. So you're willing to do new things and try new things. Because you're okay with feeling uncomfortable, or feeling awkward. Because generally to do new things like big things like start a new business or something that feels big and scary. What you actually need to feel is courage. Right. and courage is part of self confidence in the sense that when you're self confident, it's your ability to feel any emotion and have your own back. It's also your ability to fail, and have your own back. Like you really see how much self confidence you have when you fail. Because when you put yourself out there and go for something, you're much more willing to actually put yourself out there and go for a new result, like start a business or do something new that you've never done like buy an investment property. You're much more willing to do that when you have self confidence. Because if you do make a mistake, if you do fall flat on your face, when you have self confidence, you don't beat yourself up. It's the way that you treat yourself when you fail. Because when you have self confidence, you have your own back. It doesn't matter what happens. It doesn't matter what people think of you. It's like you're your own best friend. Like if you fall on your face, you're right there to pick yourself up again, and just keep moving forward. And if you fall on your face and you've got self confidence, you're not going to be standing there with your arms crossed, saying See I told you so. You will you will never capable of that. That's not self confidence. Self Confidence is when you think of course I'm gonna fail. I'm gonna fail all the way until I create what I want to create that self confidence and the difference between

Meaghan Smith  09:57

self confidence and arrogance and I think this is worth pointing out, is that so self confidence is really internal. You don't need any external, any external thing. I'm lost for words in this moment, but to give you that self confidence, self confidence comes from within you. Right? Whereas arrogance is, I'm confident because I'm better than you. Right? But when you're arrogant, it means that if someone else comes along with a better podcast than mine, or, or whatever, and that's what I'm using as my measuring stick for being confident. And that's actually arrogance, then, you know, they're better than me. And so suddenly, I'm not confident anymore. Do you see the difference? It's like arrogance is this emotion that it's, I'm better than you. But you don't need to be better than anyone, when you have self confidence. Because self confidence is, it's a relationship with yourself, and no one else comes into the picture. And when you have self confidence, likewise, nobody can take that away from you. Whereas when you have confidence, because of arrogance, that can be taken away from you. Right, because it's not actually true self confidence, because you have to be better than everybody else to feel that feeling. And then when somebody comes along, who's better than you at whatever it is, you know, making more money, or they've got the bigger house or whatever, I don't know, their socks are more purple than your socks. It's, it's this measurement game way where you have to be better than somebody to be good enough to feel that confidence. So there's a distinction there. So when you want to do something new in your life, when you want to go for a new big goal, because most of the women that I work with, they're they want to change their life, they want to do something new in their life, like change careers, or go for a really big goal. Or they're just trying to get their shit together and create the life that they want in a way that works for them. And there's limitations that come up, because they think that what they want is not available to them. Because of confidence.

Meaghan Smith  12:41

You know, it's like, oh, no, I don't have the confidence to start my business or I don't have the confidence to leave my job and pursue my side hustle full time. But in summary, you don't need confidence to do something new, everything new that you do, you've never done before. And a really important point that I want to point out to you before I wrap up is that when you look to your past all the time to see whether you're capable of doing something, you end up living the same life on repeat. Because, for example, like if I just looked to my past, what I can do, then I would just end up being a teacher for the rest of my life or be a photographer, because that's what I used to do in a past life. Because that's what I'm capable of. Right back then I wasn't work in the past, I wasn't working as a life coach, but I am now. But when I didn't have confidence to work as a life coach, when I started working as a life coach, I'd never done it before. But I had self confidence. I had self confidence in my relationship with myself, that I trusted myself, that I knew that I wasn't going to beat myself up if I made a mistake or failed or messed something up along the way. Likewise, with this podcast and and everything I do, yeah, I expect. Not I expect as in I expect I'm going to stuff it up. But how can you do something new, and create something amazing if you're not going to make mistakes? It's not possible. I mean, maybe there's a few random things that you do that for the first time you nail it. But generally if you're doing something that is evolving you and pushing you outside of your comfort zone and you're becoming

Meaghan Smith  14:51

not like a better person, but you're just becoming a more evolved version of yourself. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to fail along the way, of course, you will. Like just going back to that example of a baby. How many times if you've got kids, did you see your kids fall over when they're learning to walk hundreds of times, hundreds. And can you imagine if that baby was like, ah, I couldn't, I couldn't stand up on the first go, I'm obviously not good at this, I just don't have confidence in walking. It's so ridiculous of it. And, but that's what we do. As adults, it's like we don't go off to new things in our life, because we think we don't have the confidence to do it. Because we've never done it before. But of course, you don't have the confidence to do it, because you haven't done it before. Everything you do, from this moment onwards into the future, you've never done before. And if you have done it before, you're living your life on repeat. You're repeating what you're already capable of doing. And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not saying that. That's wrong, if that's how you want to live your life. But if you want to go out and have new experiences, and do do things in your life, and evolve as a person and become the best version of yourself that you want to be, you for sure will fail, you for sure will fall on your face quite a few times as I have. There's nothing wrong with that. But self confidence will get you all the way through. And when you're through to reaching that next goal that you want to go for. That's when you'll feel confident. That is when you will have confidence in that new thing that you have learned how to do. Okay, I hope that's helped you today. If you would like to take this work deeper and further and learn how to generate self confidence, on demand, in fact, learn how to generate any emotion on demand. That's what I do with my clients. I teach them how to manage their mind, I teach them how to process their emotions. And the reason why we do that is because when you know how to manage your mind, and when you know how to process emotions and and handle your emotions, that's when your whole life opens up to you. And nothing's a barrier anymore because you're not afraid to feel negative emotion and you know how to manage your mind. When all that doubt comes up when you're going for something new that you want to do. If you'd like to work with me, you can go to my website and book a complimentary consultation. Okay, until next time, have a beautiful week. Bye Bye.

Episode references

Do you want to work with me?  You Can book a complimentary consultation here.

Be sure to join in on book club this month.  You can find out all the info and get the book here.

2 Comments

  1. TrishFebruary 2, 2021

    What a great podcast. I need this right now. So much lack of confidence that its holding me back to do what i need to do. what i WANT to do. I lack self confidence in that area all because of past experiences. This has helped me see that even though i feel i lack the self confidence in this area of my life i have always gotten the thing done, and succeeded. But i’ve always struggled because i’ve never felt confident enough. Ok. time to change my outlook on it.

    Reply
    1. Meaghan J SmithFebruary 2, 2021

      Yes Trish! Time to change your outlook. You’ve got this! xx

      Reply

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