65: How To Stop Living In The Margins Of Your Life With Anna Wallner

What is living in the margins of your life?  Well in today's episode my good friend and Life Coach Anna Wallner is going to tell us all about how to get out of the margins of our life and put ourselves front and centre.

In this episode you will learn:

  • What it means to live in the margin of your life and what it costs you
  • 6 steps to keep yourself in the centre of your life
  • How to make yourself a priority and still have more to give to others
  • The positive impact of living for you and how to do it

You can listen to the episode above or read the unedited transcript below.

Transcript

Meaghan Smith  00:19

Hello beautiful people. And welcome to another episode of the money mindful Podcast. I am your host Meaghan Jean Smith. I am a money mindset and life coach for women. I help you create the extraordinary life that you want to live on purpose. And speaking of that, one of the things that gets in the way of living the life we want to live on purpose is living in what we call the margins of our life. And if you have no idea what on earth I'm talking about, stay tuned, because today, I am really excited to have life coach and my personal friend as well Anna Wallner on the show to talk all about how to stop living in the margins of your life. So Anna, welcome.

Anna Wallner  01:19

Hi, it's so great to be here.

Meaghan Smith  01:23

I know I am so excited to be actually doing a podcast episode because for those of you listening, Anna and I speak regularly, she is a close peer of mine. She's also a life coach. I've been coached by Anna on many occasions, she's an amazing life coach and friend. And I've wanted to have her on the podcast for a long time. And it's really exciting to to have you here with me to share you with everybody who listens.

Anna Wallner  02:00

It's amazing. I'm so excited.

Meaghan Smith  02:02

Alright, so let's get straight into it. Do you want to introduce yourself and and tell us a little bit about what you do. And then we're gonna get right into talking about live how to not live in the margins of your life?

Anna Wallner  02:18

Yeah, for sure. Well, as you said, I'm a life coach just like you. But I live in Sweden, really up north. So now, in the beginning of 2021, winter is starting to come here. And what I do is that I help women just like you, but I am more focused on on women that have this urge to create more, I guess we're in the same actually on the same playing field, both you and I, as generalist sort of life coaches. And and yeah, that's what I do. I love it every day.

Meaghan Smith  03:04

And once again, I know I say this all the time when I have international guests, but it's so cool that we can talk to each other when you're across the other side, like literally the other side of the world in Sweden. And one of the funny things is because Anna and i we both have kids that are similar age and sometimes we our kids talk and we show each other things in our home and I'll be sitting here in a singlet sweating in 35 degree heat and Anna will be in a beanie and gloves and a jacket saying oh yes, we had some snow last night. And this is our wood pile. And now we've got the fire on.I love it.

Anna Wallner  03:51

Oh, it's craziness. Yeah, it's one of the charms of having all of these international friends nowadays. It's wonderful. I love it.

Meaghan Smith  04:03

Yeah, me too. So let's talk about what's your take on putting yourself in the margin. Like, let's get let's get a definition clear. So we know what are we talking about when we say that you are living in the margin of your life?

Anna Wallner  04:18

Well, this is actually a concept that I have been living myself for many, many years or my whole life, I think until I actually got a coach. I haven't really been aware of it. In the sense I am now. But it's basically catering for everybody else and sort of not allowing your own needs and prioritising your own needs. So you can function at a top level so to speak, if that makes sense. And both you and I we coach a lot of women and even though we see this with women that are socialised as women, it's not only women that do it, we can for sure see a lot of men doing it as well. I have it in my family. In my, my mom and dad, and my brother, we lived in like a little bit of an upside upside down world, where my mom was the main breadwinner, and my dad took care of us. And I've seen him doing this, he's like, pushing his own needs out in the margin and catering for other people first, and if it's any time left for him, then he will take some time for himself. And I think this can spill over in every area of your life. So it's like, feeling guilty about taking time to exercise, even though you know, you feel good when you do it, and you will actually get stronger. And you will get more energy if you do it. But you don't prioritise it because you prioritise everybody else first? What I mean, if we talk about the subject of money, I don't know if you have this, but I have had it. I mean, since childhood, I've had a huge issue with spending money on myself over a certain amount. Because I just got, I felt so guilty. It's like, no, I shouldn't spend this on my own or on myself. Because I haven't done anything to sort of be worth spending this money just on me. But I have no problem spending money on everybody else. Not problem whatsoever. So that's a little bit what I mean that you, you push yourself out a little bit to push everybody else in the centre of your life. So your family, your kids, your friends, your job. Everything else is prioritised before you. Right, that's a little bit like putting yourself out.

Meaghan Smith  07:19

And I don't think it's just like you said, it's not just women. And it's certainly not just mothers, but I think mothers really represent in this area, you know, especially, yeah, especially women with new. What am I trying to say I just lost my train of thought that new babies like new young families, it all becomes about looking after the little people and not looking after your own needs. And what comes to mind when you were talking and I was that ubiquitous. What is it like on the aeroplanes where it's always the mask? analogy? I mean, ubiquitous, that's probably not the right word. But you know, it's, you've got to put your own mask on first, before you put other people's mask before you put your kids masks on. And it's so true. Because if you don't, if you don't get the oxygen first, of course, how are you going to look after anyone else who's around you? That totally makes sense. But then in our own life, somehow it's, we forget that we forget that if we don't look after ourselves that everybody else suffers?

Anna Wallner  08:42

Yeah, for sure. But I don't think we, when we're in it, we don't see it like that we don't see it as something we need to do. Because we're just sort of soldier on. And even though we feel depleted and we feel tired, we we just sort of sometimes almost take pride in catering for everybody else and not taking care of ourselves. Which is so weird, because if we take care of ourselves, everybody wins, because then we will have more energy, and we will be happier. And then we can show up in a completely different way to take care of those we love. So there is no sort of, there is no boundary or sort of between these. It's not like if you take care of yourself, you won't take care of anyone else. And I think that is something we feel like we're doing like if we are taking time for ourselves, we are then taking time from someone else that we could sort of we could use that time to take care of them. That's not true.

Meaghan Smith  10:03

Yeah, it's not linear.

Anna Wallner  10:04

It's like, No, it isn't. And one thing that that I think is very sort of, I don't know if it's a good example is like, but both both you and I, we have two kids. So when you have the first kid, you go, like, all the love that goes into this child. And when you're pregnant, when you are the child, your second child, you go like, This is so weird, because how am I supposed to split this love on both these children, that will be completely impossible. But when the other one comes, you get just as much love, it's like, the basin gets bigger, the love basin gets bigger. So you don't have to split it, you just get more. And it's a little bit like that, when you actually take the time for yourself, you get more energy that you can spread across to everybody else. So it's actually a win win. But when we stand there, in the sort of moment, when we're going to take the time for ourselves, it's like, no, I should probably take this half an hour, and clean the kids bedrooms or whatever. Because in the moment, for many of us, it's very difficult to prioritise ourselves.

Meaghan Smith  11:32

Yeah. And I also think that it doesn't just show up with family in terms of, you know, the role of a mother and your children and your partner, or what have you. But also, one of the things that I've actually been heavily influenced by you, and we've spoken about this before is that you're very, very good at putting yourself in the centre of your life and not being in the margin. And I love that because of the way that you look after yourself and make sure that you strong and fit and healthy, like a foundation, if you will, you know, it's like you make sure your foundation is always in order. And one of the things that I experienced was, I felt like I was doing what I wanted to do. I mean, I'm very passionate about my business, and I love business, and learning about business and marketing and growing my business. That's something that is really exciting and fulfilling to me. But what I realised also is when I was not saying all in on my business isn't the right words to use here. Because I'm, I'd always be all in on my business. But what was happening is I was all in on my business, but not all in on my own life as well, my personal life, but my business started to encroach on my weekends. And then what I found was that with my business encroaching on my weekends, it was somehow diminishing actually what I was able to do in my business, because I wasn't replenishing myself by doing the things that I want to do on the weekend, like knit and do a puzzle with my kids, or, I mean, we usually always go bushwalking and that that happens. But it's, it shows up in so many different facets of your life, I think and it's different for everyone, because of what's important to us. And even know, my business is really important to me, it it shows up for me in that area where my business takes over, if you will, like I let it, but not in a good way. I where I need to actually set the boundaries where it's like, hang on, but my business isn't me. My business is a separate entity that I give love and attention and energy to but also, I need to give that same love and attention to myself and my own being that is the driver of the business. What do you think about that? Anna?

Anna Wallner  14:22

Yeah, for sure. I mean, it doesn't matter what area you're in. So this example that you using is that? Yeah, so you put your, your business in the centre, but everything else about you, you sort of squished out in the margin. And it's, it's not good in the long run. And I think that being aware of it is the first step to change. So sort of looking at what you're actually doing, and I mean, you were so aware of what you were doing, even though You didn't really stop it, you were like, okay, I can see that I'm doing this. But I am putting my business in the centre and squeezing myself out. But you are also aware of the fact that you couldn't do it for a very long time, because it wouldn't be sustainable.

Meaghan Smith  15:18

Yes. And that's the thing. I think that's why so many women have burn out. Because it's okay for a while you can do it for a certain amount of time. And I coach a couple of women actually, who have got young kids, and they have the same issue show up for them in that way, where it's they're all in on their kids, which is amazing and beautiful and totally not wrong. But they're not all in on themselves, and what they need. And you know, I've worked with these women about this, like going for a walk on the weekend, is not going to be detrimental or negative to your relationship with your child. In fact, it's going to make it even more amazing because you're showing up as the mom who looks after themselves. And you're showing up as a modelling like, this is how you look after your body. And this is how you look after your mind. And you take time for yourself to care for yourself. And then from that place, you're able to engage and do all the things that you want to do. But from a much stronger foundation. If we go back to what I was saying before about how you're very good at doing, doing those things, like getting up and exercising and, and taking time for yourself, man. I know, it's not just exercise. It's not just about exercise. But yeah, it's about creating that solid foundation, I think.

Anna Wallner  16:48

Yeah. And what I think is so interesting with the clients I have, is that they realise many of them, but this is exactly what they've been doing. And they've sort of reached a point where then they're like, Okay, seriously, I need to change, because otherwise I'll break down. But they are not? Well, they're aware of the fact that it will be super difficult for them to do it on their own. And I think those women that really see that, when they come across coaches like you and I, they go like, Okay, so this might be the trick, this might be the solution for me to actually put myself back in the centre, and only the action of actually paying a coach, I would say that that is the first step for many people to actually take the decision to put themselves back in the centre, it's like, I'm gonna pay this person to help me. And just by doing that, it's like, you've shifted a part of your mind. Like, I'm in I'm in now. This is serious.

Meaghan Smith  18:09

Okay, so Anna, I think there'll be a lot of people who are listening, who are thinking that to me, this is totally me, I do this, I push myself out into the margins, I'm living in the margin of my life. So what can we do to keep ourselves in the centre of our life?

Anna Wallner  18:32

Yeah, well, the first thing, as I said, is to be aware of it, to be aware of what you're actually doing. And also being aware of the fact that you are creating this life that you have, by putting yourself out in the margin.

Meaghan Smith  18:54

Yes, yeah.

Anna Wallner  18:56

Yeah, that you're doing it is always Yeah, awareness is always the first step. And also taking responsibility of that, but this is your responsibility. There is no one else who's responsible for your life. So you need to take responsibility of taking care of yourself. You You are responsible to put yourself back in the centre. No one else can do that for you.

Meaghan Smith  19:28

Yeah, and, you know, I actually think that takes courage to do that.

Anna Wallner  19:33

Yeah, for sure. For sure. And I think that's what our clients really have. They have courage to sort of put their foot down and like, Okay, this is it. I'm taking care of myself now. I'm giving myself a coach to be serious about my change in my life. And I think that's super and so impressive.

Meaghan Smith  20:00

Yeah, and but not even with having a coach. I mean, yeah, of course get a coach everyone you know that we're totally pro of it. But also just, you know, I'm thinking of the the people who are always putting other people first and then to actually stop doing that. And making that tangible, those tangible changes where you're literally not putting someone else first. That can be that can take courage, because you're literally changing your life, like changing the way that you live your life, and putting yourself first. And I'm cautious to say it's like, are you putting yourself first it's like, you're just always doing things for yourself. No, that's not what I mean. And not that that's a bad thing. Either, that you're always doing things for yourself, but it's just a different energy. It's coming from a place where you respect yourself and and understand that you need to take care of yourself to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

Anna Wallner  21:13

Yeah, for sure. But I think that one of the things that many of us do is that we think that when we put ourselves first within sort of,

Meaghan Smith  21:28

whatever your quotation marks,

Anna Wallner  21:30

quotation marks, thank you that we don't prioritise other people. But that's not true. Because when we prioritise ourselves, we will get more energy, like I talked about earlier, like you will get more energy. So by taking a little bit of time for yourself to do whatever you love doing, that will reboot your batteries and everything, you will be able to be there for other people more and probably better. So this time that you take for yourself will not only benefit you, it will benefit everybody else around you that you love and that you want to cater for. I think that's a mind shift you need to do, because many women and also men, of course, they are not in that mindset about like, Okay, so what if I invest in me, I also invest in my ability to help other people.

Meaghan Smith  22:39

100% And isn't that such a beautiful place to come from? I'm helping myself and through doing things that help myself, it benefits me and everyone around me. Right? Like when you come from that place, it's completely shift of a mind shift, a total mind shift, because it's not coming from. I feel guilty, because I'm doing something for myself, or I have to do something for myself. Because it's a reaction to not doing anything for yourself not having any time for yourself, not taking care of yourself. And you get to this point where you just like, F it, I'm going out with my girlfriends deal with it or, you know, because we can take it to another extreme where it's like, well, I'm doing this for me, I'm going to go and spend all this money on me or I'm going to go and spend all this time on myself. But it's coming from a reaction to not having that. But that's not the only way that you can get that fulfilment that so many of us are crying out for you can do it from a place that is a beautiful place. It's in alignment with everyone around you and yourself. I'm doing this for myself to build my foundation and also benefit everyone around now. I know we talked off air Anna our about what can the listeners do? We we nodded out a few points. So do you want to go over that now? What can the listeners do to to get in the centre of their life and stop living in the margin?

Anna Wallner  24:22

Yeah, for sure. So the first step is, of course, be aware of what you're doing and see that you're responsible. And then I would say the next practical step is actually to take some time and sit down and think about what you need and what you want. And also ask yourself why you think that would be beneficial for you. So take a cup of tea or whatever, and just take a little moment and sit down and think about what would be benefit your battery charge or whatever we talk about? How could you wind down? How could you take care of yourself? It can look so different. I mean, you talk about me doing exit exercise? And yes, I do, but I do a lot of different things to, to sort of grow my energy and to grow my, my foundation as you talk about,

Meaghan Smith  25:29

Of course, because for what gives for one person, it'll be playing a video game for another person who will be knitting for someone else that will be going for a walk or for someone else that it'll be making sure they go out to dinner once a week with their girlfriend. I mean, it's, yeah, that's a really valid point. I'm glad you brought that up, that it really is going to be different. There's not one particular thing that everyone can do. That is the answer.

Anna Wallner  26:02

No. And I also think it's so easy for us to sort of look at magazines or something, and it says, five ways to self care. And you look at the magazine, and it's like, yeah, make a super nice bath for yourself, or take a long walk in the woods, or whatever. And it's like these five things that the magazine is stating that would be self care might not be self care for you. So that's why I think it's so important to actually sit down and ask yourself and sort of look inward, like, what do I need? Don't look to what everybody else is doing. I mean, the neighbour she might be running for like an hour, an hour a day, maybe that's her thing, but doesn't mean that that needs to be your thing. So yeah, definitely look, look inside, and see what you really need, and ask good questions. But then, one thing that I also want to point out that I think is really, really, really good, is that you need or you don't need to do anything. But don't overdo it in the beginning, if you're super unused to doing this for yourself. Start small because your brain will have a complete fit. When you start taking time for yourself. It will give you a million reasons why you shouldn't and that you're a bad person, or whatever I know, at least mine did. So don't try to like, do this massive plan in the beginning. Start small. See what you can do like one little thing a day maybe or I don't know, but think about how you can start. I think that's a really, really good key.

Meaghan Smith  27:55

And I think that makes it more accessible to because if it's just something that's for five minutes, and you can build on that, you know, if we use the example of exercise, and don't worry, everyone, I don't think you should. I mean, exercise is great, but I know it's not everybody's go to thing, but it might just be a five minute walk around the block that turns out over time that it's a one hour trick on the weekend that you do every weekend. But it doesn't have to be going from zero to 100. In in the first step. Yeah. I really liked that you brought that up?

Anna Wallner  28:30

Yeah. And I mean, it's, it looks so different from every I mean for everybody. But a small thing for someone can be five minutes, or five minutes and meditation. And for someone else, it a small thing might be a 30 minute walk. I mean, there is no right or wrong. Just sort of ask yourself what you could do.

Meaghan Smith  28:53

It might be finally signing up to do online shopping, instead of going to the supermarket. Like you're gonna show our show.

Anna Wallner  29:01

Yeah. Sure. But then when you actually have this, like you use, you sat down, you did the sort of need list or what you want to do, you have thought about what you're going to start with, then you really need to plan when you're going to do it and you need to set it as a priority. That is also one thing that I think is super important, because our brains are so good in telling us that we can do it tomorrow. We don't have to do it. And it is such a slippery slope when you start pushing things. So when you push things for tomorrow, when tomorrow comes it will then be easier for you to push it to the next day because you did push it the day before So for every time you push it, you tell your brain that that's okay. And then you will start pushing it more. So be very careful. prioritise and do those small things.

Meaghan Smith  30:13

Yeah, cuz you make the habit of not doing it instead of making the habit of doing it. Yeah, yeah. Okay, anything else?

Anna Wallner  30:24

Yeah, well, also, like we've talked in the beginning, like really sink into the belief that this is super important. And that by doing these things that you set yourself up to do, you will actually function better. And you will be able to be there for those who love in a better and bigger way. So that belief, I think, is super important to adopt. Because otherwise you will be running like against the wind, it will be very, very difficult.

Meaghan Smith  31:00

Yeah. And I think you and I have both had, we can speak from experience, because I mean, I said, I mean, you've just already talked that you've been through it. But I know for myself that I've definitely experienced both sides were I've pushed myself out. And yes, in the short term, I get certain results. But in the long term, it's totally not sustainable. And I find myself that's when the, that's when the ugly comes out, you know, and I get irritated and annoyed with people when I know I'm not looking after myself properly. And that's a sure sign. But I've also experienced when I do look after myself, and how that just makes such a difference to my well being my productivity at work I get so much at this is the thing that just still blows my mind is that I get more work done. When I work less. Like how does that work? That work my brain,

Anna Wallner  32:06

I know it's mind blowing, you're

Meaghan Smith  32:10

still just wants to go, hang on. That's, that's wrong, you've got to work hard, or you got to work longer. But it's not the case, when you actually look after yourself, and fuel yourself, you have that energy and the ability to be able to actually focus when you're at work, instead of dreaming about all the things the other things that you want to do, that you don't get to do. When you actually do those things. You don't need to be dreaming about it and trying to avoid work. You can just be at work doing your work thing. And then when you're not at work, you can be doing the other things that you really want to do. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Should we recap? Is that all the points? Or are we missing anything? Did you worry about anything?

Anna Wallner  32:54

That's all the points.

Meaghan Smith  32:56

Okay, so we so first of all, we need to realise that we're the ones responsible for taking care of ourselves and that nobody else is responsible for us. And even even that even means if we've got little kids, we're still responsible for making the time to care for ourselves. The next point you mentioned was sit down and write down what you want to do. There's power in putting pen to paper and actually getting those words down and writing it out what is important for you, and what are the things that are going to fuel you, then you covered, pointing out why why is it important to you is having a reason for doing that. That's what will enable you to be able to access taking care of yourself more easily, I think, because you actually have the reason to do it, like know why you're doing it. You're not just having a random bubble bath, because that's apparently what you should do to take care of yourself. You're doing, you're organising the online shopping LIKE A BOSS because that's important to you. You don't want to spend two hours at the supermarket. Can I just a side note, I know I'm totally getting distracted here. But I had a moment the other day where I was at the supermarket. And I was with my two girls just picking up a couple of things. And there was another woman there with not one, not two, not three, not four, but five children with her and a baby in a baby carrier. Doing the full shop. Her trolley was absolutely chock a block, make wrangling all the kids doing the shopping and I stopped her and just said respect you're doing an amazing job because I was just sort of there with my two kids thinking. Yeah, you know, this is so much easier when I'm alone and then she was there just like it Boss cruising around, organising. And then I saw after the shopping ordering sushi for everyone, and I was like she's amazing. Anyway, I digress. Let's get back to it. I just like to add that in because well, I think so often that women don't get acknowledged in that way. But for me, she is incredible. Like I bow down to women like that. I just think what a legend, you know, but it's like you don't often hear people talking about women in that way. But that's a real achievement. I'm sure there's plenty of people out there who don't have children, or who aren't the primary care givers who the idea of taking a small child and five kids to the supermarket would be, they wouldn't they'd be incapable of doing it. Don't you think?

Anna Wallner  35:49

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. And I also think it's so funny when you when you talk about that. You're like, okay, that is I mean, I would take two, maybe three kids, that would be fine. stretching it, but probably okay, she is doing five and a baby. That's amazing. Can you even imagine a dad doing that? If you saw that? I'm not saying that. That can't do it? Absolutely not. But how would you react if there would have been a man instead? And in her shoes?

Meaghan Smith  36:21

Yeah. Well, I would be equally amazed. And that's it. Isn't it interesting that at the start of the episode that you were saying how your family life when you're a child was like upside down? Because your dad was the primary caregiver, even just that language like saying that. It's like, that's not normal. That it's the man who does it. But anyway, we're getting totally distracted here. But I think, relevant, relevant points. But so the next thing was that you said, point number four after why is it important is to start small. So maybe just leave two of the kids behind and take take four kids with the shopping? Easy,

Anna Wallner  37:09

stay home and do it online? It couldn't say

Meaghan Smith  37:13

yet. But I think this is not to be overlooked this point. Because I've noticed this a lot with working with people is that if it's only five minutes, it's not good enough. This is what I hear, right? Well, if I'm only going to exercise for five minutes, why bother? And yeah, because that's five minutes that you wouldn't have done. And it and it makes it different. And it's about creating those neural pathways in your brain, that you are the person who sits down and reads for five minutes before they go to bed or you are the person who has a cup of tea in the morning on their own before the children get up whatever it is that five minutes is enough. Right? You don't have to do an hour of something. You can take little snippets of time, wherever they're available to your wherever you want them. And I'm not just talking about time, either it's it's about the quantity or of what you're doing. It doesn't have to be related to time, but yes, it's okay to start small. One minute is okay. 30 seconds is okay. Like wherever you're at just start there. It's, there's no rules here. No, there's no rulebook for this, we're just giving you pointers that we think will help but you just get to do it. However the fuck you want, right? You're allowed to do it, do that. And the next point, you said the final two points was plan and do it as a priority. And then the final point was just really sinking into the belief that this is important, because if you don't function, you won't be able to be there for anyone else either. And obviously, if you are living in them in the margin, there is something that you are prioritising that you're saying that's even more important than me. And so we understand that you have things that you think that are important, but also you're important too Well, where do we go from here? These are if somebody implements these things, I think this is this is the pathway mean, how did you shift Anna in the first place? How did you make that shift?

Anna Wallner  39:35

Well, it was actually, I think, I did the real shift. I mean, I've been trying to shift it for two years. But the real shift I think came about six months ago. I think that's when I actually started to believe in my time being important, because before I was telling myself, it's important to take care of yourself, because then you will get stronger and be able to take care of others. But my brain went like yes, no, we don't believe that. That's not true. Because you have been there for everybody else for 40 years. And that's been working fine. But when I started to actually question that, I'm like, has it actually been working fine. I came to the conclusion that no, it hasn't. Because I was grumpy. I was reactive. I was I was a complete marter. Oh, my Lord Jesus. I was huffing and puffing and everything. I mean, when I did things for everybody else, which I did, it was always with this sort of twinge of like, yeah, of course, I'm going to do this because I'm a mother now. So that's expected of me. When I look back at it, I'm just like, how could I even stand myself, it's incredible. But after a while, when I actually went through all the coaching and everything, I landed in the belief that it is truly important. Because when I take care of myself, I am calm, I am happy, I'm at ease. And that's how I want to be when I take care of my kids, and when I'm there for my family, and everything. So the the feeling where you're coming from is completely different. And it's so important. I mean, even cleaning, it's this sort of rocked my world, big time. And you might laugh, because, you know, when you pick up after the kids, before I was like, yeah, it's always me doing it, it's always been doing it, nobody else cares. And when nobody else, I mean, my husband, and I was huffing and puffing, and it was just like, ah, and now when my, my sort of energy, and my thoughts have shifted, and I come from a completely different feeling. I'm like, I don't care. I don't care if if I want to pick up after the kids, I do it because I want to do it. I have no problem. Picking up off the kids, I even enjoy it. I pick off up after my husband as well. But there is no drama. And so even cleaning has become a way for me to actually put myself in the centre. I'm like, I am doing this, because I love the result. I don't really care if anybody else cares. It's like arranging the cushions in my sofa. I know nobody else cares. But I care. And I do it for me, and I love doing it. But before that my old self. I was a little bit like why doesn't Andres fix the cushions in the sofa? He knows I want them this way. Yeah, because he doesn't care. That's why he doesn't do it. And it's much more difficult for me to sort of teach him to do it the way I want it, then to do it myself. So it's like, seriously. And it's like all this mind drama that creates these tearing feelings that are just taking all my energy. And by shifting and by taking care of myself in all of these different areas like you we say running and we say knitting a lot. Now I've mentioned cleaning, it doesn't matter what it is. But when I look at it as something I do for me because I want to it's a whole different game.

Meaghan Smith  44:17

Yes. And you don't need anybody else to be into it or approve of it. And I feel very much like that with money. I when we first started investing in properties, that was all me That was my drive. But I just got to a point where I it's not like I don't care whether you're into this or not, not. It's not like that kind of energy. But it was more from this place of this is actually something that's really important to me. And I'm going to do it no matter what. Because I care about it, and I want to do it and it's so interesting that when you actually really commit to the things that you want to do What whatever that is, people around you come into line in some respect. I mean, I'm not saying that it's funny now because I have conversations with Louis now about investing, and he's just all for it. There's no there's no resistance. There's no nothing. But in the beginning, it was really my thing. But now because I'm the one who does it, it just, it's fine. And everybody now just accepts Oh, yeah, Meaghan is in to investing in money. And that's what she does. And that's, and that's fine. And I think it's the same with other things in your life. Like when you you start cleaning the house, because it's important to you. And before you know it some your partner's they're getting the vacuum out. And you haven't asked them?

Anna Wallner  45:57

Oh, it sounds like like, I'm the only one cleaning. But that's definitely not true. But it's, I now enjoy it. But yeah, for me, it's a complete difference. That's why I bring it up all the time. But it is amazing. And it's so worth it to really dig into this because the energy win is massive. Massive.

Meaghan Smith  46:22

Yeah, yes. Speaking from experience, I totally agree. So just wrapping up. Anna we've, I mean, I see looking after my money is a form of self care very much. But we haven't touched on money a lot in this in this episode, but it's very much. It's very much a part of my self care in terms of something that is important to me. And that I, I do as part of my foundation, I see that very much as having my money in order is something that's important to me. And so that's why I do it. But just on the topic of money, I usually sometimes I forget. But I usually ask my guests if there's something that you're willing to share about what you do with money. And perhaps, if you have something that relates to self care, I'm not sure but anything that you do that the listeners might benefit from that you would like to share with them?

Anna Wallner  47:21

Yeah, for sure. Well, when it comes to putting yourself out on the margin, I'm much more comfortable now to spend money on myself on things that that I really need. And I don't look at it as being a luxury anymore, is something that I actually need. But one thing that I also do in relationship, or in relation to to money is that I actually use a budget tool, which I think puts both me and my money in the centre. And I am I'm a former bookkeeper. So I joke I don't enjoy bookkeeping. I know, I know how to do it. But this budget tool has helped me so much. And it's taken out so much drama out of my life. So, so that's really good. But talking about books, one of the things that I love doing that I just started doing actually this autumn is I've left my company, my I my two companies that I have and run, I have left the bookkeeping to someone else. And that is a huge win for me.

Meaghan Smith  48:45

Amazing, I love it.

Anna Wallner  48:47

Yeah, but it's also a little bit of of putting yourself out in the margin because I have thought like, I should do it myself. Because I know how. And that's, that has sort of been the reason for me doing it. And now I was like, no, it takes time from what I want to do with my clients and my life. I will just have someone else do it. So that was a very grown up decision for me.

Meaghan Smith  49:16

I love that so much. And I actually just had a conversation this morning with one of my clients about it just came up incidentally. And they were saying yeah, that they struggled through the first couple of years of their business, doing the bookkeeping themselves trying to work it out then spending days fixing the mistakes that they've made that if they've just got a bookkeeper in the first place and I see that is putting your business at I mean if you think of your business isn't as an entity, I think that is putting your business at the centre as well by doing things like when talking about like a separate thing not in relation to yourself but when your business has The accounting done right, then the businesses left to be able to do the business things, because the accounting is taken care of. Yeah. I love that. And which budget tool do you use? And because I'll put it in the show notes.

Anna Wallner  50:14

I use an American tool called you need a budget, also referred to as YNAB?

Meaghan Smith  50:25

Yeah, okay. You're not the first person who's mentioned that I've actually checked it out. But yes, it is American. So not as applicable for us in Australia. It's still still we can use it. It's not like we can use it. I'm in Sweden. Yeah. True. True. But I think when I went in and had a look at it, I couldn't integrate my accounts with it.

Anna Wallner  50:48

No, you have to put in every everything manually. But yeah, it's not a problem for me.

Meaghan Smith  50:53

Yeah. Whereas I think when you're in America, and we have American listeners, so this is relevant, relevant to them is that you, you can have it all hooked up and linked to your accounts. So you don't even have to do that. It gets put in. Okay, amazing. I love this topic. I just think more women need to be taking more care of themselves and living in the centre of their lives putting themselves front and centre. And who did it it was this something that you? Did somebody teach you this concept like this concept of putting yourself stopping living?

Anna Wallner  51:31

Yeah, it's good that you mentioned that because, I mean, the concept I've been aware of, and been coached on on several occasions, as I mentioned, but it was actually a coach of mine, but actually put it in the term of putting yourself out in the margin. And her name is Norma Frahn, she's absolutely fantastic. She's a great, great coach. And she's American for those American listeners. Maybe you can put her show notes in.

Meaghan Smith  52:05

Yeah, absolutely.

Anna Wallner  52:06

Nothing to shove costs.

Meaghan Smith  52:07

I know Norma I love Norma will definitely put her in and I know that she's a great coach as well. So, okay, so that came from Norma right. All right. Amazing. Yeah. Well, shout out to Norma if you're listening. We put a link to you in the show notes too. She is a weight loss coach, right? She coaches? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, well, where can we find you?

Anna Wallner  52:32

Well, me You can find me at on Instagram and Facebook. You use the What do you call the handle the handle Anna Wallner? Yeah, Anna Wallner life coach. And if you want to go up on my website, it's Anna Wallner dot s E or dot? I think it's also.com. I think I own both. I'm not sure.

Meaghan Smith  53:01

I'll put it in the show notes. Don't worry. And for those who are listening in Sweden, because I know that there's some of you out there, which is so exciting. Not many. But I know there are Swedish listeners, which is so fun. And in Norway and Finland just recently too. So that's that's really big countries

Anna Wallner  53:22

that are coming. I know I

Meaghan Smith  53:24

know, a lot of different countries in Europe, it kind of actually blows my mind how global This podcast is. I mean it I mean, it's particular countries, it's not huge numbers, but there are people and Hello, I'm just going to say hi, India, hi, Malaysia. You know, there's just all these people out there and these places, but like how did you even find the show? I love it amazing. Anyway, I digress. The what I was going to say is that if you're in Sweden, what is super amazing is that if you work with Anna, and I actually coaches in Swedish and in English, which is a rare thing, I think because there's a lot of life coaches. We just coach in English, but it's available to you in Sweden in Swedish. I thought I'd mentioned that because I think that's a really that's an important point.

Anna Wallner  54:18

Yeah, for sure. But I do speak English as you might have noticed. So if you want to work with me and you live elsewhere, or this is your your mother tongue, that's fine, too. I do have clients that are English speakers.

Meaghan Smith  54:35

Yes, of course. I think we're all pretty aware that you speak English. Well, Anna, it's been an absolute pleasure having you on the show. Thank you so much for joining me tonight. It's not only a pleasure having you here because you're someone that I admire and respect and you have so much great knowledge to share with the money mindful listeners. You're also a really special friend and it's just so Fun to be added to a podcast with somebody who is one of my special friends say thank you.

Anna Wallner  55:06

Thank you. It was absolutely delightful.

Meaghan Smith  55:10

Well, there you have it. Anna Wallner she is full of all the good stuff and if you are looking for a life coach to help you like she works with women who feel like they they want more, they need more. Absolutely, you should check her out and I will make sure I put links to everywhere that you can get access to the wonderfulness that is Anna. As always, if you want to stay in touch outside of the podcasts, subscribe to my email list. You can follow me on Instagram it's at money mindful. Same on Facebook. Until we meet again next week. Have a beautiful week. Bye Bye.

Episode references

Find out more about Anna Wallner on her website here.

Life & weight coach Norma Frahn

Be sure to join in on book club this month.  You can find out all the info and get the book here.

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