67: Sufficiency: How To Break The Cycle Of Not Enough

'Not good enough', not something you hear people speak out loud very often, but certainly something many women feel on a regular basis.   We compare ourselves to others and suffer from this affliction of insufficiency- not being enough, not skinny enough, smart enough, not confident enough, not having enough money, not having enough self control, not enough, blah, blah, blah, you name it, it's this way of being that is insufficient.

In this episode you will learn:

  • That you cannot achieve your way out of 'not good enough' (high achievers, I'm looking at you)
  • How to break the cycle of not enough
  • How to change your thinking to support you feeling worthy and enough
  • How I shifted from thinking I wasn't enough to always feeling more than enough in all areas of my life
  • How you apply this same work to money & other areas of your life

You can listen to the episode above or read the unedited transcript below.

Transcript

Meaghan Smith  00:20

Hello beautiful people. And welcome to the Money Mindful Podcast. I am your host, Megan Jean Smith. I am a money mindset and life coach for women. What does that mean? It means I help women create the lives that they want. I help women solve problems, I help women get over their limitations. I teach women about emotions, how to process emotions, how to be emotionally resilient, how to change the way that you think. So you can create different results in your life, basically, yeah, it's like the best job in the world. helping women create the lives that they want. And if you've never experienced working with a life coach, or you don't really know what they are, I think the best way to describe it is lots of people will go to a gym or see a personal trainer to improve their physical health or reach a goal like to do with weight or strength. And a life coach is just like that, but for your life. So it's having somebody there who helps you achieve the things that you want in your life and improve your mental health in a way that helps you achieve your goals and live the life that you want to live. Okay, that was quite a lengthy explanation. But I think sometimes life coaching, maybe it's not as common as I think it is. And I think it's helpful to explain what what it is all right. Today, I have a really important episode for you. This is something that is very close to my heart, and something that I feel very passionate about, and something that I think is a big problem with women in general, not just women, men too, but I think in particular, women suffer from this affliction of insufficiency, like not being enough, not being good enough, not being skinny enough, smart enough, not confident enough, not having enough money. Not having enough self control, not enough, blah, blah, blah, you name it, it's this. It's this way of being that is insufficient. And how do you know? How do you identify that? It's when you're living through that filter of not being enough? You'll, you know, I mean, actually, like, in many ways, I think, you know, if you think you're not good enough, because it just comes up all the time. And it doesn't matter how successful you are, if you're a lawyer or a doctor, whatever, it you can still suffer from this feeling of not being good enough. And I think the way that it shows up is that you find yourself criticising yourself, comparing yourself to others, not acknowledging your achievements. So even when you do do something really great, you kind of push it aside, like make it out as if it's not something really big deal. You know, and I think it also shows up in when you make yourself small, like in a group, for example, like a meeting at work, you might not speak up, because you think, you know, your ideas aren't as important or who, who would want to listen to you or the other people in the room obviously, far more capable or experienced or what have you. I think this is a really common thing not speaking up. And the reason why I want to go into depth on this topic today is, is one because it affects how much money you have. And I will explain that in a minute. And two, it's just a it's a major issue with women. And I just think enough already.

Meaghan Smith  04:54

I don't want to see women walking around feeling like they're not enough anymore. I don't want to walk around feeling like I'm not enough, I don't want my daughters growing up thinking that they're not good enough. I just think enough already. And I have been doing a lot of work in this area in my life, because it has been a major issue for me for basically my whole life. Not like I walk around 24 seven thinking I'm not good enough, but it's, it has been present in huge chunks of my life like to do with things that when I'm going for something new, when I'm trying to create a new goal, it's just has always seemed like it's this ever present. You're not enough, like I'm not good enough, that that comes into play when I try to do something new. And so I have, I've done the work, I've done the work on it, and I'm not living in that space anymore. And you know, I'm not going to say that it never comes up for me ever. But I have shifted, I have changed. And I want to share everything I know about this with you. Because I know that this is a major issue for many women. And so I want to tell you everything I know about it. So you too, can shift from not being enough to being more than enough. And living in sufficiency, living in abundance living in the the concept, the belief that you are enough. And how this shows up. And how it relates to money because I know this is a podcast about money is that when you think that you're not enough, you're not going to ask for a raise, you're not going to do something in terms of change your career or start a small business. Because if you don't think you're good enough, you won't do those things. Right? That that's how it shows up. And you'll seek advice from other people about shares or investing or things like that, because of course, you're not good enough. You're not smart enough. All right, can you relate to what I'm saying? It's an insidious thought. I think it's toxic. I think it affects us so negatively, when we think we're not good enough. And it's, it covers all areas of our lives. You know, it shows up in money, it shows up in even the way we dress, you know, the way we behave everything. And the thing that I think is such a big problem with it as well is that the goalposts keep moving, you cannot achieve your way out of not being good enough.

Meaghan Smith  08:07

Because you, you do something, it's like you, you know you get what's the word I'm looking for you you finish high school, and then you go to university and you get your degree, that's that's what I was trying to say you get your degree, but then that's not good enough, then you've got to go and get your master's degree, or then you have to get a promotion at work. Or then you have to do something else. I mean, the goalpost just always move. And the reason why I'm just so certain of this, and because I'm so familiar with this as one because I've lived it, but too seriously, you would not believe I coach some seriously amazing women who are at the top of their game in terms of those typical careers like lawyers and doctors, those those type of careers that we look up to and you know, they're way above my pay grade. And yet, they are still having coaching with me on issues that come up that around not being good enough. All right, so you can't achieve your way out of this. It's a it's a belief, it's a thinking problem. And the good news is, is that when you have a thought that you're not good enough, that is actually what it is. It's actually just a thought. It's not the truth. It's not written in cement. It's not the way that you have to live your life. It's actually just a thought that your brain is offering to you and when you know how to start creating awareness  around that, and realising that, that is when you can start to make changes. And I want to tell you exactly what I have done. So you can try these things as well, because it's different for everybody. I think what what works, but the reason why I think this is such a problem, like why we have this issue is one, like I said, the goalpost keeps changing, so you never get to the point where you're enough. And you can see this, this shows up with businesses as well. And just the way the world operates and, and greed and corporations and everything, because when is enough, it's like okay, you need to earn 100 grand a year and then you've got to earn then you need to be a multiple six figure earner and then you gotta be seven figure earner, and you know, it just when when is enough, enough, right? There is no target. There is no goalposts It is like, okay, now we have reached enough, it just, it doesn't work like that. It's a frame of mind, it's the way that you think about yourself. And our brain, just to get a little bit out of our brain nerdy on you is, our brains job is to keep us alive, right? And the way that it does that is it has an eye out for danger all the time. So that's why it's so natural and normal that we judge other people, right? Because when we're weighing ourselves up, like is this person a threat is Am I safe. And it's so bad in the modern world, it doesn't really work for us, you know, because our brain is trying to keep us fitting in all the time. So we're safe. But then I think that's actually a component that affects how we feel about ourselves and thinking that we're not good enough. Alright, I want to talk to you about how to overcome it. Because this is the work that I have done. And it works. Because I'm not walking around in this feeling of not being good enough anymore. And it's, it's awesome. It's such a relief, it's so good to be able to just accept myself and be okay being me just the way that I am. And not having to be anything to be good enough not having to be a certain weight, not having to earn a certain amount of money.

Meaghan Smith  12:36

I want to tell you that if I reach my financial goal for my business this year, I am, I'm good enough. If I don't reach my financial goal for my business this year, I'm still good enough. If I watch Netflix, all day, and eat chocolate, I'm good enough. If I go out and exercise and do all these amazing things, and tick off all these to dos for my business and my family and make it great salad to eat for lunch, I'm good enough. And if I don't do any of those things, and order pizza, I'm still good enough. We, we are good enough no matter what. And the reason why I can tell you this with certainty is take a look at your child. And if you don't have a child, take a look at your friend or a child or or a kid, right, like just a kid in your life or a baby. Are they good enough? Yes, of course they're good enough. I can can you imagine telling a child or a baby that they're not good enough? Like no way you wouldn't do that, you know, we're born good enough. But somewhere along the lines, we get this idea that we're not good enough that somehow we're not worthy. And that there's some sort of deserve ability, about our achievements and what we do. And I've just come to realise it's just all bullshit. We just make all this stuff up in our head. And I don't mean that in a in a nasty way. Like I've been living through this filter for a very long time. And it's affected many things that I have done, you know, growing up, like just wanting to fit in and never feeling good enough. And yeah, you just don't actually have to live that way. So here goes, let me tell you what I've been doing. So how to overcome it. The first thing is, in terms of myself, I'm going to talk about things to do with how I feel about myself. And then in future episodes. I want to really dig deep into how you can take this same concept into money and making money and things like that, but I'm not going to cover a lot of that today. So the first thing for me was coming from love always and I just Did this Instagram Live this morning about how I had got got back into walking. And I had this whole idea for quite a while that I should be walking in the mornings. And it was a real struggle with me. For me I was I was not getting out and going for walks. And I was giving myself a hard time about it, you know, like thinking, well, you should be walking, because it's good for your body. And you feel better when you walk and you should be doing it. But that is not coming from love. Right. And that does not motivate me to walk. And, but when I think about it from a place of love, like hey, actually, you know what, I really love my body. And I really want to take care of it, and nurture it. And I know that going for a walk makes me contributes to me feeling really good. And feeling good in my body. And it also affects my mental health. Like I just feel clear when I've got out for a walk in the morning. That that's the difference what I mean, it's like always coming from this place of love. And you can ask yourself, Am I being kind or cruel? Because it's quiet. It's kind of sneaky, because these are the kind of things we do to ourselves. It's like, well, I shouldn't eat that chocolate, or I should go for a walk. Because if I don't,

Meaghan Smith  16:37

I'm letting myself down. Or I'm not being good enough, because I'm not exercising enough or what have you. But when you check in with yourself, Am I being kind or cruel, it's like, sometimes we operate from when we operate from this place of not being enough. It's like, Well, I have to go for a run five days a week, and I've got to do my yoga class, and it go swimming, and and then it's like this big beat up. If you don't do it right a but. It's coming from a place of being mean to yourself. But when you when you shift the perspective and ask yourself, Am I being kind or cruel? It's like, okay, am I going out and exercising because I actually really want to do this for my body. And I really want to nurture myself. That's totally different from, you're not good enough, you still need to lose five kilos, you have to go out for another run. Okay, can you see the difference? So it's, it's really as simple as does this self talk helped me or hinder me, you know, in the way that you're talking to yourself. And often, it's really as simple as asking, like, what I treat my friend like this when I talk to my friend like this, and often it's like, no effing way. Like that. Your friend would be like, Why are you being so mean to me. And so it's shifting the way that you approach yourself from a out of, out of punishment into love. That's, that's one of the biggest things that I have done like making that small, small shift. For example, you know, I make a salad, I make salads at the start of every week. But the reason why I've been making salads at the start of every week is because I actually just feel better if I vegetables and, and salad. And but I'm also quiet. I like convenience. And I like speed. And so if I don't make salads, at the start of the week, I just go to the fridge and pull out whatever I can see, like the closest thing like so that might be hummus, and then corn crackers or something. And you know, there's nothing wrong with eating hummus and corn crackers, but it just doesn't. I just don't feel as good when I eat corn crackers and hummus for lunch. But because I know that I like speed and convenience, out of love for myself and my own being because I'm good enough. I take time on Mondays to make salad that's going to last for the week. So I can just have speed and convenience and go to the fridge and take out a scoop of salad and have it for lunch. Can you relate to what I'm saying? Like it's not about I have to make salads at the start of the week because it's something that I have to do, because I'm not good enough because I need to lose weight. Right? It's no no, I want to make salads at the start of the week because I actually really like eating salads and I feel really good in my body when I eat salads and so that's why I'm going to do it. So it's a very subtle shift, but the difference is huge in my day to day life, like the way that I show up and the way that I treat myself. Okay, so a thought that you can practice, which I started was, I was actually was actually doing something about having enough money. And I was practising the thought I have more than enough money today, because I couldn't quite access the thought, I have more than enough money, like always, like it didn't feel believable. I even though Actually, I do always have enough money, there's some part of me that just is very attached to this idea that I don't have enough. But the thought I have enough money today, I could totally believe and I could practice thinking that thought. And I'm going to do a separate podcast episode on this. But that made a huge difference to my perspective about money and having enough and feeling like I have enough and having my attention on having enough. And then it occurred to me, oh, my goodness, I could totally think this about myself, like I am more than enough. Right now. right? like, That's huge. Because when something comes up for you, like you're going for something new, like you want to go for a career advancement, and you find yourself thinking something like, but I'm not good enough?

Meaghan Smith  21:32

Can you in the moment, think I'm more than enough today, or I am more than enough In this moment. I've talked about this before on the podcast, I think about when you want to change your thoughts. So you believe something new, if you just say something like a mantra, but you don't actually believe it, it doesn't work. You need to change the results you want by changing your thinking, you've got to actually believe what you're thinking. And so like, if you're entrenched in this idea that you're not good enough, and that comes up for you a lot in your life. And you might not be able to switch to I am good enough because it just doesn't feel believable. Right? And I know, it's it's not necessary that you feel that in all areas of your life. But to start tapping into this enoughness and being enough and living in that space all the time of I am enough. Can you practice that thought? I am more than enough In this moment Like right now, like sitting where you are doing what you're doing? Are you more than enough in this moment? And if if that feels believable, can you get to I'm more than enough today? So can you feel that for that day? I am more than enough today? You know, I showed up at work? I got to work on time. I didn't spill coffee on anyone. No, my kids are alive. I got my kids to school on time. They ate food. Right? Like Can you connect to that I am more than enough today. Because that is a beautiful stepping stone into being able to live in the belief that I'm more I'm good enough. I'm more than enough, all the time. And it's no big deal. If you can't get to that thought straightaway. That's why we that's why I'm telling you stepping stones how to get there. Right? So you can start believing that you are more than enough. And and I'm going to tell you right now that you are already more than enough. You're totally 100% worthy. Like you there's actually nothing you can do about it. You are 100% worthy, and you are good enough. The trouble is our brains just offer us these thoughts that tell us the contrary to that. And if we've thought it enough times for for many, many years, like I don't know about you, but I'm in my 40s so I've had a lot of practice thinking some of these thoughts. It just becomes we think it's the truth. And then we operate our life through that belief or filter. I like using the word filter because I kind of it feels like it's less attached to me. And so to to stop thinking that way and change it requires effort and requires practice. So just to summarise, if you feel like you struggle with not, you know that feeling coming up for you often of not feeling good enough. The way that you can start to change and make changes in your life is one. Can you practice the thought I'm more than enough today. And if that even that feels too hard Can you do I'm more than enough in this hour? Or I'm more than enough in this moment. The other thing that you can do is always come from love for yourself. is am I being cruel? Or kind? Like, with everything that you do? You know, am I talking to myself in a loving and kind way. And if you're not change, stop it, stop being cruel to yourself, stop talking to yourself in a way that is unkind. You know, because you, whatever it is that you're trying to do whatever it is that you're trying to achieve, you can't hate yourself to financial freedom. You can't hate yourself thin. You can't hate yourself into a new job. It just doesn't work that way. And it feels terrible. Right? So let me know your thoughts on how you go with this. I would really love to support you more around this like, feel free to DM me on instagram message me on Facebook, you can always email me Meaghan m e a g h a n at money mindful.com.au

Meaghan Smith  26:19

I can't tell you what a shift it has been just to. Like it's priceless. To not fit to feel good enough to feel like I am enough and actually walk around in that energy is priceless. Like to take that away, like no amount of money it yet priceless. And I want you to be able to access this as well, I want everybody to be able to access this. And, you know, it struck me recently that if my I have two young girls three, oh my goodness, not three and five was gonna say three and five, they're four and six. And, you know, if they grow up thinking that they're not good enough, oh my gosh, I'm gonna tear up. That is just heartbreaking to me, I would not want that for my children or anybody's children. And, you know, the best way to model to your children how to be good enough is to feel it, and believe it yourself. So I'm incredibly passionate about this, I want these for you. I want this for all women for all little girls and men too. If you're listening, I love you guys too. But you know, I'm all about the women. So let me know how you go. Let me know if you need help with this. I am more than happy to help you with this, if you're, you know, needs need some, like guidance on how to apply thinking differently or what that looks like being coming from a place of love being kind instead of cruel, okay, because living living through the belief that you are good enough is so much better than living through the belief that you are not enough or that you are not good enough. Alright, that's enough of that for today. I want to tell you about book club before we leave because it's tonight, book club, but we are discussing confidence feels like shit by Erika Cramer. Erica is joining us live on the Facebook Live. So the details are, it's Tuesday the 23rd 8:30pm Australian Eastern Standard Time, you just have to go to the money mindful Facebook page. Just go to the page. And if 830 comes and you can't see me, come on, just refresh the page and I will come up. The way that it works is that you see me talking live. And I ask questions. And Erika will come on as well. And you'll be able to see her live and you can write questions to us in the comments, we ask you questions, we want to hear what you've got to say as well. So it's very interactive. But also if you're a bit nervous, you can just be there and you don't need to say anything, you can just be part of it. And for those of you who are listening in the future, or who can't make it tonight, I always post the recordings on the money mindful website. That's WWE money mindful.com.au. It's under the book club tab. And the live recording is also always posted to the money mindful Facebook page afterwards. So you can always go back and watch it later. And I know a lot of you do because there's always lots and lots and lots of views after the fact. So that's really nice to know that it's serving you in that way. All right. Well, that's all for today. I'd love to hear your thoughts on changing, shifting from not enough to being sufficient and good enough. It's a great space to live your life from. Alright, until I speak to you next time, have a beautiful week. Bye Bye.

 

 

Episode references

Be sure to join in on book club tonight.  You can find out all the info and get the book here.

1 Comment

  1. Laurel FreelandFebruary 23, 2021

    Such a beautiful podcast today. From the heart.

    Reply

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